Marty sent me this obituary, which fails to mention that Common Sense's demise was not natural or predictable, but a direct result of reckless endangerment by Political Correctness:
Common Sense Obituary
Today
we mourn the passing of an old friend by the name of Common Sense.
Common Sense lived a long life but died from heart failure at the brink of the
millennium. No one really knows how old he was since his birth records were long
ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He selflessly devoted his life to service in schools, hospitals, homes,
factories and offices, helping folks get jobs done without fanfare and
foolishness. For decades, petty rules, silly laws and frivolous lawsuits held no
power over Common Sense. He was credited with cultivating such valued lessons as
to know when to come in out of the rain, the early bird gets the worm, and life
isn't always fair.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than
you earn), reliable parenting strategies (the adults are in charge, not the
kids), and it's okay to come in second.
A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression, and the
Technological Revolution, Common Sense survived cultural and educational trends
including feminism, body piercing, whole language and "new math." But
his health declined when he became infected with the "If it only helps one
person it's worth it" virus. In recent decades his waning strength proved
no match for the ravages of overbearing federal regulation.
He watched in pain as good people became ruled by self-seeking lawyers and
enlightened auditors. His health rapidly deteriorated when schools endlessly
implemented zero tolerance policies, reports of six-year-old boys charged with
sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, a teen suspended for taking a swig of
mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student.
It declined even further when schools had to get parental consent to administer
aspirin to a student but cannot inform the parent when the female student is
pregnant or wants an abortion.
Finally, Common Sense lost his will to live as the Ten Commandments became
contraband, churches became businesses, criminals received better treatment than
victims, and federal judges stuck their noses in everything from Boy Scouts to
professional sports.
As the end neared, Common Sense drifted in and out of logic but was kept
informed of developments, regarding questionable regulations for asbestos, low
flow toilets, "smart" guns, the nurturing of Prohibition Laws and
mandatory air bags.
Finally when told that the homeowner's association restricted exterior furniture
only to that which enhanced property values, he breathed his last. Common
Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife,
Discretion, his daughter, Responsibility, and his son, Reason. He is survived by
three stepbrothers: Political Correctness, Multiculturalism, and Continual
Whiner.