Below are some of my favorite quotes. I've always admired the ability to create a cleverly turned phrase, and I hope you enjoy these.

John Cleese (of Monty Python fame), about the differences between English and American people:
"1. We speak English and you don't
2. When we hold a World Championship for a particular sport, we invite teams from other countries
3. When you meet the head of state in England, you only have to go down on one knee."

"In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite."
Paul Adrien Maurice Dirac (1902-1984)

"There are three kinds of lies: Lies, damned lies, and statistics."
Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881)

"Like the ski resort full of girls hunting for husbands and husbands hunting for girls, the situation is not as symmetrical as it might seem."
Alan Lindsay Mackay (1926- )

"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler."
Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp posts -- for support rather than illumination."
Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

Norm Peterson (from Cheers): I had to create a whole separate page for these! Some with sound!

"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on."
Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

soundbut.gif (1343 bytes)  "Try not. Do, or do not. There is no 'try'. "
Yoda ('The Empire Strikes Back')

"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so."
Douglas Adams (1952-)

"Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good."
Woody Allen (1935-)

"What I am going to tell you about is what we teach our physics students in the third or fourth year of graduate school... It is my task to convince you not to turn away because you don't understand it. You see my physics students don't understand it... That is because I don't understand it. Nobody does."
Richard Feynman (1918-1988)

"I know but one code of morality for men, whether acting singly or collectively. He who says I will be a rogue when I act in company with a hundred others, but an honest man when I act alone, will be believed in the former assertion, but not in the latter."
Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826) in a letter to James Madison, 1789

"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."
Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens, 1835-1910)

"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use."
Galileo (1564-1642)

"Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right."
Henry Ford (1863-1947)

Groucho Marx (1895-1977) Courtesy of John Winecker, a page of Groucho-isms. Some with sound!

"If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?"
Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)

"Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end."
Jerry Seinfeld

Contemporary comedians (Scott Wallace sent me this superb collection of quips)

Gene Sukovich sent me these great quotes

Return to Roger's page